Blue hues fill my eyes grading in tints and shades big-fluff-puffs-huff their way through. They’re all getting going yearning somewhere. Their faces all turned gleaning, shiny, and new. These wondrous empties are all on a journey to finding themselves only to find that in the end they are all but one-vast.
My mind like the legs of a dancing Zumbarian crab, conjures thoughts & ideas & ticks with the rhythm of life. My ocean.
Was it all worth your effort?
Did you get to prove what you wanted?
Or was it all just your time to play
Your way of knots & no direction?
I wish I was back in Hawaii for a moment.
Atop the rocks, which lifted me higher than the beach goers. Away from all akin. Vast seas and crisp winds blew my mind. A man had climbed up to see what I had worked so hard to achieve…”what was up there?.” He must have wondered. I was so high up! He had eyes the color of the sea. It was almost frighting at first because 1) Very few have piercing blue eyes 2) HE CLIMBED all the was UP. Yet at peace we were for a moment. As if nothing mattered, and no one else existed. Except our glancing at all the turtles. We watched as they would come up for air. These big beautiful creatures were what made that moment so magical and engraved in my mind. For a moment we were just THERE, & ALIVE. I am like that by nature. I seek happiness through all. I know hardship, I know fall. I do not know it all. But I do know I deserve to feel as spirited as ever, & lovely, & all.
Whether its the feeling of water between your fingers, and toes.
Or the way coffee curls, & releases steam as you await the first sip.
At one point I realized what I had longed for, yet always known.
The simple pleasures of being alone, and reflecting on life’s small experiences.
We all have those moments of silence.
Where we focus in on something so mindless, yet meaningful.
Today I saw a woman face her fear of swimming with her therapist.
Fear creates holes in our souls that become voids
As adults we sometimes fall into the category of addiction to fill in the void.
Or sometimes depression, and even create bigger crevices to fill called regret.
It began to rain, and they both hopped out to grab what was now their soaked towels.
Then I took a deep breath, and stood up. To get ready for my day.
My heart began working extra hard to keep me standing, because I had been folded up for so long.
As a child you don’t worry about what’s to come.
You just live, and enjoy every moment of “freedom”
What we don’t seem to remember is that we are still that child.
Running, and getting up to fast, because
we don’t have to worry about whether or not our heart will give out this time.
You are as invincible as ever, & don’t ever forget
the simple pleasures that bring you so much happiness.
Seasons have changed
Leaves turned, and so much has transitioned.
As I sit here basking in the setting sun
I wonder where all world’s time has gone.
Independence day was Friday
& I awoke to Nicholas telling me to step onto the balcony
& watch the sun rise, because it was to be our first firework.
For those that do not know, Nick and I have been together
for a little over a year now. We spent grade school together.
We’ve shared many spontaneous, spirited, & surreal experiences.
I stepped out onto the balcony
It was a chilly morning, so I grabbed my robe.
The sun began to rise.
With the rise of the sun came the rise of his arm from behind me
holding a little black velvet box with an Engagement ring nestled between two lips.
His words in Polish: “my beloved sunflower”
Then in English: “This is where it all began”
“& I love you, will you marry me?”
Nicholas asked for my hand.
We stood celebrating the beautiful beginning to a new chapter.
Suddenly it wasn’t so cold anymore
I didn’t want to go back to bed.
I wanted to stay embraced between the sun, and my Nick.
The crisp air filling the gaps, & wishing us a future of success & happiness.
All is well & transitioned.
A lot has happened since last I wrote. I have obtained a working position with Deljou Art group. As well as depositing my enrollment fee to trasfer to SCAD & soon will be moving to Atlanta. I’m sure there is much more, but for now I will keep things simple.
My mother and I are in Barcelona & will be leaving tomorrow on a Cruise to France, Italy, & Croatia!
Day 1 Barcelona
Long day, tons of energy, all spent walking until our feet were tired. We have seen so much, and I was most impressed by the design & architecture. The close attention to detail is amazing, and simple. I tried raspberry sorbet & Belgian chocolate gelato, chocolate croissant, espresso, fresh eggs with orange middles. I mean everything is just fresh. The air is crisp and clean, but a little windier than I had expected. Monuments/areas seen: Gothic cathedrals, las ramblas-open air mall type, modern/post modern apartment style homes,. The elevators are about 6 sq feet, small but it allows engagement of conversation. The children play and laugh in the streets & it’s so peaceful when you look up and all you see is beautiful designs. It brought up an important idea for me. As a designer it’s important to design something beautiful, but if you can design for the best life style possible then that is even more important. People want lasting memories, a treasure of the past, present, and future. Give the people something to grasp, smell, play, or work with. CoCo Channel, LV, and Burberry are all well designed retail shops for example, but the city itself-it’s traditions are what you remember and love. The rest will live on.
Day 2 Barcelona
Short day, because we took a bus 26 Euros each, to see pretty much everything else in Barcelona. It was a great overview without as much walking. Gaudi and I fell in love several times, and I could sit and sing amongst the mosaics forever. The day began with a delightful breakfast at the hotel which consisted of blood sausage, German baloney, & other meats, cheeses, paistries, poached egg, and esspresso. Esspresso was a bad idea, because by mid-day I crashed and it was at one of Gaudi’s designed houses, but I was still very happy even though all could do was sit, and watch everyone else walk. I just sat on the rooftops and soaked in the sunshine. I prayed that I too will get to design for the people that need it, and make the most out of my talent. I have hope for design to grow in America. My goals today were met and I exceeded my expectations here in Barcelona. I think I will be back soon, hopefully at my most fruitful within in my career. I would hope to live and design here for some time. Alright well I have pictures, and sketches to show. Enjoy!
Spring is here, and today I shared time with my brother and sister.
Our bunnies were pressed up against their sweet little chests. My heart lingers on the thoughts of you swelling, and known to me. My hand caressing their little furry backs as they shed their youth away. Collecting soft silk, which swiftly drifted into the blue. I lay my eyes down beside my subconscious. Remembering that I had felt something similar before. I look, but I can see. I hear, but now I listen. Everything is clear. An orange peel. These sacred times of growing and careful decisions reminds me of how fragile love is. The grasses sway with the wind, and the bunnies lay down alongside the fence. Deeper my eyes filling and pulling space to touch, just to feel. Free of doubt, and distress of tomorrow’s obstacles. This doesn’t even feel like falling. Gravity can’t begin to pull me back to the ground again.
If lust is love then what is a relationship without love, lust?
My week was tiresome, and for the tiny body that I encompass it was too much at some points. So I will get some much needed rest, while you enjoy my photo essay that highlights the week.
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.
The week began clashing as the colors I mixed onto this color camo, which became the backdrop to other layers on top for a painting we’re working on.
As any new and daring journey continues, one finds that in order to move forward one must take steps back & learn. I for one did so this week, and I realized a couple of things. For the first time I feel I belong to something original, and inspiring. Well that’s not entirely true, because I have had many opportunities just as great. The Governor Honors program, which had some of the most talented, humble individuals from all over Georgia, comes very close to what I am living in now. But I feel this is the most fun I’ve had in such a long time! I don’t ever want to leave. I feel as though I cannot imagine my life without it. I guess that’s what they mean when people say “you just know” only I’m not getting married in this case. It’s the feeling of belonging that many seek, and I am so very grateful to have found such a treasure amongst the greater Atlanta area.
Where else can you express philosophy, parenting tips, and paint all in one beautiful day? I’m not just learning skills towards my career…I’m learning skills for life. Alright, enough about how happy I am, right? No! I want everyone to be as happy, & I wish everyone blissful days of success and genuine love. There is enough meritocracy in the world so produce something original, something worth your time, and culture. When you know, you know.